In The Present

We’re Teaching This:

What is it about this time of year that causes us to feel a little more generous? We naturally think about helping families in need by providing Christmas presents or a meal, we visit soup kitchens, donate clothes, or drop food off at the local food pantry. Studies show we give more money and clothing to charity in December than any other time. But why? In the Gospel of John, we find a part of the Christmas story that doesn’t always make it into the nativity scene. Long before Mary and Joseph made it to Bethlehem. Long before there were choirs of angels visiting shepherd or wise men making their way from the East, Christmas began with a single decision made on our behalf. A decision God made to give. That simple but monumental decision has shaped this season ever since. And when we begin to understand all God has given to us, we can’t help but bring that tradition that began with His generosity into our present.

Think About This:

By Sarah Anderson

Have you ever noticed that when it comes to our children—no matter what their age—the things we expect our children to enjoy and thank us for the most are usually the very things that go unnoticed or unappreciated? I’ve started noticing it in my own preschool aged kids that when I pull out my best parenting tricks, my best memory-making ideas, it is sometimes met with them being bored, not impressed, and lacking gratitude.The problem I face as a parent, and the problem all of us face to one degree or another, is what pastor Andy Stanley refers to as the tendency to raise experientially rich kids, but instead of raising relationally rich ones. In other words, in our effort to want to give our kids everything we create the chance for them to have some pretty amazing experiences but often neglect actually connecting with them. This becomes all the more complicated as our children become teenagers and appear to want neither experiences nor relationships with us. It’s hard not to take personally. But I’ve found that what students express as “wants” or “don’t wants” often doesn’t reflect their true desires. While they appear indifferent, that isn’t always the case. Our students, regardless of their age, temperament or wiring, are needing purposeful and committed relationships—with us. Strong relationships with their parents now will lay the groundwork for strong relationships in the future. They need to know—though they aren’t often willing to ask us directly—that we like them and we want to hang out with them Maybe they aren’t looking for some big expensive vacation or experience. Maybe they don’t need anything that dramatic—just the chance for us to be with them and a chance to make a connection.

Try This:

Maybe your student moving out of the house feels like it is a long way off. It could be several years away, or it could be in a matter of months. Try thinking about their time with you in terms of the number of holidays you have while they still live in your house. Your teenager maybe four years from moving out, but that means you only have four Christmases left.
“When you know how much time you have left, you tend to do more with the time you have now.”

By Reggie Joiner

Take some time this holiday season to sit down with your student and together come up with a tradition you can repeat for the Christmas seasons you have left. It doesn’t have to be anything big, expensive or super time-consuming. But it does have to be something your teenager wants to do—and something that gives you the chance to have shared experience together and further your relationship as well.

Alive!

 

Words are powerful. You probably already knew that. Words can make your day or ruin it. Words can make friends or create enemies. On a global level, words can start a revolution or bring peace. Now, think about how much more powerful God’s words are.Simply by speaking He caused the world to be created along with everything in it— mountains, oceans, thunderstorms, planets, the sun.He spoke all of it into existence! By His words, He caused nations to rise and fall, and people who were dead to come back to life.God’s words are the most powerful force in our entire world, but if we’re honest…most of us don’t think of them that way. We hear “God’s Word” or “the Bible” and think about an old dusty book, something complicated, outdated, or even boring. But what if it was never meant to be that way? What if we’re missing out by seeing it as simply a history book or something to study? As we take a closer look at God’s Word, we may be surprised at what we find. God is inviting us to hold, read, and experience the same Word that created everything we see. It’s more than a book. It’s better than a story. It’s alive.

 

___________________________________________

 

 

Think About This

Do you like to study? Probably not. It’s almost a universal “dislike”. And if we’re honest, most of us don’t envy our student’s position of being required to study history or math or literature every day. Sure, going back to relive parts of high school or middle school might be nice, but we’ll pass on the actual studying part. But did you know students often take their cues from their parents when it comes to learning, growing, and studying? In the article, “The Role of Parents, PBSparents.org puts it this way, “one thing remains constant: we are our children’s learning models. Our attitudes about education can inspire theirs and show them how to take charge of their own educational journey.” (http://www.pbs.org/parents/education/going-to-school/supporting-your-learner/role-of-parents/)

 

That means our attitude—good or bad—toward learning new things will ultimately rub off on our students. Obviously this effects them when it comes to school—but it also impacts their willingness to learn and investigate areas of their faith as well. While we may feel there is value in learning the principles found in the Bible, and though we want our teenagers to begin to develop a faith of their own, with that comes some really tough questions. And fear of not having all the answers can intimidate us into believing it’s a job better left to the church. But what if talking about faith didn’t have to be so scary? What if having all of the answers wasn’t a pre-requisite for having a conversation?

 

One step any parent can take—no matter where they are in their personal faith journey—is to choose to model curiosity. The reality is, no parent has all the answers. But every parent has the ability to demonstrate a positive attitude toward learning by choosing to learn with their student.  This is true whether the topic is faith, history, literature, or Calculus. That’s why many schools have encouraged parents to see themselves as co-learners with their student. Seeing their parents model a healthy willingness to learn has a huge impact on the students’ attitudes.

 

So when you don’t know, ask questions. Find answers—together. No matter the subject, involve your student in the process. In doing so, you’ll teach them the confidence to do the same

 

Try This

 

Did you know you don’t even have to believe something to learn from it? Think about it, did you ever learn something from a fiction book, even though you didn’t believe it actually happened? Probably so. Even if you aren’t sure whether you believe the Bible and all its teachings, you owe it to yourself (and to your child) to read at least part of the book that has so shaped our culture. If you do believe the Bible is true and accurate, that’s all the more reason to give it your time and attention.

 

This week, try reading just one verse and encourage your student to read the same one. You can cut out the card below. Write out a response to the question and then compare answers next time you’re together. It doesn’t have to be anything profound. Just a simple take-away that each of you can share with the other.

 

 

For the parent:

The following is a quote from Jesus. Read it and write an answer to the question below.   So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. (Matthew 7:12 NIV)   What is one way your life might look differently if you started living this way today?   ________________________________________________________________________

 

For the student:

 

The following is a quote from Jesus. Read it and write an answer to the question below.   So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. (Matthew 7:12 NIV)   What is one way your life might look differently if you started living this way today?   ________________________________________________________________________

We’re Teaching This:

On a scale of one to ten, how do you measure up? Are you tall enough? Pretty enough? Smart enough? Funny enough? And on that scale, which number represents enough? Do you have to score a ten or will a solid seven do? How about a five? It’s better than average, right? Most of us measure how we’re doing by how everyone else is doing. Not a day goes by that we’re not tempted to glance to our left and to our right to see how we measure up to the people around us. This is especially true at school. We see everyone else’s grades, clothes, athletic ability, talent, and popularity. And it’s easy to feel like we don’t measure up. So we adjust course, try harder, spend more, and then compare again. It's exhausting. In this 3-part series, Andy Stanley explores the difficult—but not impossible—challenge of escaping The Comparison Trap.

Think About This:

Parenting is hard. We probably knew going in that it wouldn’t always be a walk in the park. But, as a parent, have you noticed there are some curve balls that you just don’t know how to handle? Chances are, you knew your kids were going to be different from one another. But it’s also likely you had no idea just how different they could be until you started raising them—until they hit a certain age and suddenly what you assumed would be true of one of your kids because it was true of an older one—just isn’t. Sometimes it feels like you have to learn how to parent all over again with each child. And sometimes not just with each child, but through each life-stage your children experience.

We may not do it on purpose, but there is a tendency to compare that comes so naturally and so easily. We bring attention to the ways our students are different from their siblings, their friends, our friends, and even earlier versions of themselves. It’s so tempting to say, “But why can’t you just be like______?” The problem is, comparison rarely works. It doesn’t make students want to try harder and it can often lead to resentment toward the parents and the sibling with whom they’re compared. Even within the family, there is no win in comparison. Sameness isn’t even really a goal worth shooting for. Maybe there are traits in one of your children that you’d like the others to take on. That’s great, but you probably don’t want them to be exact replicas. A better goal is to be intentional in learning, studying, and celebrating the personality and wiring of each individual child.

Try This:

No one wants to feel like they don’t measure up. Especially not in the place where they want to feel the safest and most secure. Work on making your family and your home the place where who your child is celebrated and not compared. This week, point out something in your teenager that you appreciate. Find something that you have seen grow and develop in them that is a strength and then tell them how proud of them you are.

ParentCue

We’re Teaching This:

Everyone loves a superhero. Superman. Spiderman. Iron man. They swoop in and fight the bad guys, save the day, and somehow make their spandex suit look cool all at the same time. What would you do if you met one of these guys on the street? Pose for a selfie? Ask for an autograph? Probably none of the above. Chances are you wouldn’t you wouldn’t recognize Superman or Spiderman on the street. Why? Because almost all superheroes have another side, their mild, unassuming, simply-not-as-awesome alter ego. Sure the public persona is amazing. But in their real, every-day life identity is rarely as impressive. In that way, we all have something in common with superheroes. There’s a public side of us. A super-identity that most of the world gets to see. We’re funny. We have friends. We’re confident. But deep in our hearts, we know there’s an alter ego—a less than super side that we’d rather hide away. As we take a closer look at three personality traits that often bury themselves in our alter egos, we find that God has something to say about each one that can free us from living a double-life.


Think About This:

What personal traits do you hope that you’ll pass on to your teenager? Work ethic? Responsibility? A good attitude? We all have parts of our own personalities that we hope and pray will surface one day in our students. If we’re honest, we probably have a few traits that we’d rather not pass along as well. In her article, “Help for Stressed Out Families”, author Kara Powell explores one personality trait that we may accidentally pass on to our students without even realizing it.

• One-third of children surveyed between ages 8-17 believe their parent has been “always” or “often” worried or stressed out about things during the past month.
• Four in 10 children report feeling sad when their parent is stressed or worried.
• One-third of children (34 percent) say they know their parent is worried or stressed out when they yell. Other signs of parental stress perceived by children are arguing with other people in the house, complaining or telling children about their problems and being too busy or not having enough time to spend with them.
• Nearly a third of children surveyed between ages 8-17 reported that in the past month, they experienced physical health symptoms that are often associated with stress such as sleep problems, headaches, and an upset stomach.

As disconcerting as those findings are, something else bothers me more. The study also
found that parents are largely unaware of their kids’ stress levels.
http://stickyfaith.org/articles/help-for-stressed-out-families#sthash.j1R6lvfU.dpuf


When it comes to handling just about every area of life, students take their cue from how they have seen their parents react. That’s why stressed out parents can sometimes unintentionally raise stressed out students. In the same way, parents who struggle with anger, selfishness, shame, or other difficulties can likely pass those traits on without meaning to. No parent is perfect. We all have quirks, tendencies, and habits that we wish we would go away. So what can you do to ensure that your personal struggles don’t accidentally trickle down to your student? Share the struggle. One way to help your student avoid certain habits is to be honest (in an age-appropriate way) about the habits or tendencies that you wish you could change. And, let your student know how you’re working on it. Say something like, “Hey, I know that when I’m stressed out from work, I sometimes snap at the people around me. I know that isn’t okay and I’m working on having better boundaries so that work stress doesn’t become home stress.” Or maybe try something like, “I know you saw me yell at the cashier last week in anger. I’m really embarrassed that my temper was out of control and it’s something I’m working on. I’m going apologize to her when we buy groceries this week.”


Try This:

Think about an aspect of your personality that you’d rather not pass on to your student. It may be helpful to focus on one that most affects your teenager. Now consider writing them a two or three sentence apology and leaving it in a place where they will find it. Include how you are working on this area of your life. Try to incorporate the following points as you write your apology:

• Pinpoint the struggle (anxiety, selfishness, anger, insecurity, stress, etc...)
• Apologize for the way you have seen it affect your teenager and/or your family.
• Identify a way that you are working on overcoming that struggle.

For example:
Dear ________. I’ve noticed I have a tendency to act like my time is more important than everyone else’s. I’ve been late too often to your game/recital/practice. That is really selfish and I’m sorry for how it has affected you. Please know that I’m working on becoming a better manager of time by downloading a calendaring app on my phone and scheduling reminders to help me leave on time.

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.

Alter Ego

New Series - Alter Ego

Everyone loves a superhero. Superman. Wonder Woman. Iron man. They swoop in and fight the bad guys, save the day, and somehow make their spandex suit look cool all at the same time. But chances are, if we ran into one of them on street, we wouldn’t recognize them. Because almost all superheroes have another side—their mild, unassuming, simply-not-as-awesome alter ego. Their real, every-day life identity is rarely as impressive. In that way, we all have something in common with superheroes. There’s a public side of us. A super-identity that most of the world gets to see. We’re funny. We have friends. We’re confident. But deep in our hearts, we know there’s an alter ego—a less than super side we’d rather hide away. As we take a closer look at three habits that often bury themselves in our alter egos, we find that God has something to say about each one that can free us from living a double-life.

Game On!

Hey Parents!

1. We’re Teaching This:

In any kind of competition or event, the winning is almost always connected to the amount of preparation. The practice and the skill building may not seem necessary in the moment, but when it’s Game On, those skills are what take us all the way. Daniel was a young Jewish boy who encountered his “Game On” moment over and over. Ultimately it was the preparation of his faith skills that helped him through the most difficult of moments.

 

2. Think About This by Crystal Chiang:

Your student experiences so many influences each day. They receive messages from you—their parents, teachers, other students, media, ministry leaders, coaches and a variety of other sources. Do you ever wonder what is getting in? Whose voice do they hear the loudest and who has the most impact on their actions? Despite all of the noise in their lives, studies show that students largely develop their ideas about God at home. Believe it or not, they are still listening to you, and not just when you’re talking about spiritual things. They are listening intently when you talk to them AND when they hear you talk to other adults about money, relationships, faith, culture, and life choices. As a teacher in a public high school, I often engaged students in conversations that sound like this:

Student: The RIGHT way of doing (money, politics, marriage, etc.) is _________.

Me: Why?

Student: Because it’s RIGHT.

Me: Why?

And eventually we would end up at the same place. Because that’s how their parents do it or say it should be done. Nearly 100% of the time students expressed “their” opinions in what was clearly their parents’ language. Students take their cues on how to live from their parents more often than anywhere else. This is particularly true when it comes to our faith. The spoken or unspoken posture that we take toward Scripture, prayer, service, and worship will ultimately be the model our students use as how things “should be done”. So how can you leverage your influence as a parent without resorting to lecturing or re-preaching each Sunday’s sermon?

1. Partner with the student ministry that your teenager attends. Just because the sign out front says “students” doesn’t mean that you are unwelcome. In fact, both the church and the home are more effective when they choose to work on the same thing at the same time. Connect with your child’s small group leader; be proactive in determining what they are learning and how you can engage your student in conversation about that topic at home.

 2. Be transparent about your own faith. Talking with your teenager about faith doesn’t mean that you have to have a perfect message prepared at all times. It also doesn’t mean you need to have all of the answers. It’s okay to be transparent with them about how and when you pray as well as what happens when you don’t receive an answer right away. If you spend time reading Scripture, do so in a place where they might see you or ask him/her what he/she thinks a certain passage means.

3. Ask your teen what he or she is learning. Silence doesn’t always mean inactivity. Students process spiritual information in different ways. Just because your teenage daughter doesn’t volunteer to tell you what she’s learning at church doesn’t mean she simply goes to see her friends. Often students simply do not know how to begin the conversation with their parents about spiritual matters. Simply opening the door can allow you to speak valuable words into their life. And remember, anytime you frame a question for your teenager; be willing to answer the question yourself. Your transparency opens the door to more transparency from them.

 3. Try This:

Here is an open-ended conversation starter to encourage dialogue between you and your child about faith. These can be asked at dinner, in the car, or anywhere that conversation flows easily. Remember to model the way by answering the question first and then asking your student.

·         Week 1: What do you appreciate about God?

·         Week 2: Where have you noticed God’s activity around you?

·         Week 3: How can we make God a bigger priority in our family? (This is a great time to make a commitment as a family. You can choose to pray together or at the same time each day, read scripture, or read a devotional together. )

·         Week 4: How can God use our family?

 

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.

Hello Parents! We hope you are all enjoying your summer so far! It's hard to believe that summer is almost coming to an end. We wanted to update you all on some events that will be coming up for the months ahead.

8/3

Fallout Shelter

This Sunday we will be wrapping up our 1st series, No Limits. The activity for the night will be a game called Fallout Shelter. For this large-group game, students will use all of the resources available to them to build a fall-out shelter to protect them in a water-balloon fight. Small groups will each work together to make the most of their limited supplies while finding creative ways to secure more protection. We are asking that you send the kids with a change of clothes as they will be getting wet. Wait, why are we doing this? Because it’s summer. It’s fun. And, it reinforces the idea that limits don’t define what you can do. At the beginning, the task may feel impossible. Garbage bags and tape? Are you kidding me? But give students a little time and they can come up with some really creative ways to move past their limitations. Maybe they’ll trade in all of their balloons to buy more defenses. Maybe they won’t even build a shelter, and they’ll just attack everyone first. Encourage them to be creative and brainstorm a strategy. When you do, you’ll build the relationship of the small group and open their minds to see past their limits when facing a big goal.

9/26-28
NYC Missions Trip

Some areas of service will include: serving in a soup kitchen/food pantry, serving meals to homeless people and delivering food to families/individuals that are in need. We will also be helping a local church with light maintenance. To end the weekend,we will be visiting Hillsong NYC church for an afternoon service. Cost is to be determined and fundraisers are being planned to help with the cost. We will provide you with more information when it is obtained.

10/12
Mazezilla @ Klingle Farm

Time: 6-9pm

Cost is $10 for entry
Flashlights will be needed

12/28
Progressive Christmas
Time: 12-9pm
A time of food, fun & fellowship! The youth will be visiting six different families that were preselected to serve a specific meal course. They will be served appetizers through dessert

Sometimes what we say and what our kids hear are two different things. Often, it’s hard
to know if they could use a little extra encouragement or a little less pressure. Try asking
your teenager if they’re pressured or encouraged by you. Use a scale of 1-10, with 1
being not enough encouragement and 10 being too much pressure. Now use the same
scale and evaluate yourself...do you encourage your teenager enough or pressure too
much?
Chances are you and your student will have different answers. That’s okay! Don’t let
it discourage you! Use it as a conversation starter. Afterward consider showing your
student how you answered. No need to make it a formal meeting. And, this doesn’t mean
that you have to give in when they say, “I want you to bug me less about my math grade”.
It simply shows them that you care what they think and it gives you both a way to get on
the same page as you move forward.


Here’s some great wisdom on how to give you kids worth and value without saying a word:
http://orangeparents.org/to-shine-my-face/

No Limits

When you were little, what did you dream about becoming? An astronaut? A ballerina? A professional wrestler? Whatever it was, chances are it was something that you felt was important. Something big. That’s the thing about little kids— they dream big because no one has told them that they can’t do something yet. They literally have no limits. But it’s different when we get older, isn’t it? In middle school and high school we start to see the areas we lack for the first time. We’re not the most popular or influential. We aren’t the most talented. And eventually we start to wonder if we can ever do or be anything significant. The big-dreaming days of our childhood feel long gone under the weight of our all-too-limiting reality. That’s exactly what happened in the life of a guy named Moses. With a tough past and not many real skills, he had no reason to believe that his life would be used do anything extraordinary. But after a few encounters with God, Moses’ perspective changed completely. He found that, with God, there is no limit to what you can do.